Avoiding Stilted Language

                                         

What do we mean by “stilted language” you ask? Well, today we are going to give you lots of specific examples; examples of stilted language you should avoid and suggestions for other language to use instead. Please read the directions and then begin the exercise. 

Exercise Directions

Look at the chart below.  First read all the suggestions on the right. Second, try to match the stilted language we have listed above the chart to the suggestions. Finally, review the list and think about the stilted language examples you may have used in past communication, or even thought were okay to use. Make a mental note to avoid using such language in the upcoming letter communication.

We are in receipt of…	Your comments will be duly noted	Thanking you in advance
This will acknowledge your recent application	As per our agreement	Attached/enclosed please find
As per your request	It has come to our attention…	Kindly
Please do not hesitate to contact me

STILTED LANGUAGE                                                 SUGGESTIONS

As per our agreement	·       awkward grammatical construction ·       “as we agreed”, “as you instructed”
As per your request	·       awkward construction ·       “you requested…”
Please do not hesitate to contact me	·       REDUNDANT!  Of course they will!  If you MUST add something, add specific contact information.
Thanking you in advance	·       Old and sounds empty.  In English we thank someone after they have done something for us.
Kindly	·       can be misused ·       used before “I” or “we” means that “I” or “we” are kind!  Leave it out! ·       We are happy to inform you, pleased to, etc.
Attached/enclosed please find	·       awkward grammatical structure ·       use the more direct “we are enclosing…” ·       attach means “physically connected” (i.e., stapled) ·       enclosed means “included in the same envelope”
It has come to our attention…	·       stiff and negative sounding ·       “we are aware…”  “We understand…”
This will acknowledge your recent application	·       stiff & wordy ·       “we have received…”
We are in receipt of…	·       simply acknowledge the receipt! ·       “we have received…”
Your comments will be duly noted	·       who says “duly noted” anymore? ·       “We will consider your comments carefully.”

How did you do? Did you pick up on any language you would tend to use? Will you make an effort to avoid using this type of language from now on? We hope so. We would like to provide you with one additional reference sheet of language you should consider avoiding due to sounding redundant. What does that mean you ask? It means you have needlessly used language together that sounds repetitive. For example:

Those are foreign imports we are receiving.

Doesn’t the idea of something being an “import” suggest it is from another place? So why stick “foreign” on it?  This is redundant. So let’s just use “imports.”  Please look at the other redundant phrases we would like you to avoid. And of course, we have also given you suggestions.

Words from the Department of Redundancy Department

Redundant Phrases                                      Suggestions to Avoid Redundancy

Avoid Redundant Phrases! ·       advance plan ·       basic essentials ·       current status ·       different varieties ·       final outcome ·       first priority ·       join together ·       share together ·       repeat again ·       foreign imports ·       group meeting ·       first and foremost ·       new breakthrough ·       personal opinion

plan basics OR essentials status or currently varieties outcome priority join share repeat imports meeting first OR foremost breakthrough opinion

Mäkikalli, Ann. (1996). Professional Writing. Helsinki, Finland:  AAC Opisto.